Thursday, January 10, 2013

The Whistling of Emptiness

The Whistling of Emptiness

Whatever you want.
I'm standing on the edge of the cliff,
On my tiptoes, my arms spread out wide,
I'm not trying to catch anyone,
I'm hoping to be caught.

It's unlikely that anyone will catch me,
I'm not a child anymore,
I'm now just another face,
Another empty shell,
Another nobody.

The wind howling,
Is the imitation of my heart,
Hollow and harsh and so cold.

Nothing can warm me up,
I am ice, with a smiling face,
An internal blizzard inside me.

I am like the arctic, in so many ways,
Because I no longer have a heart,
Did you know that?
Frustration and pain is all I feel,
Constant anger coursing through my veins,
Causing years of self-pity and self-loathing to come forth,
The anger has a pathway straight to my tears.

Who am I to cry!
Just because,
I feel hollow like a rotten tree,
Bitter and twisted.

For that's what I am a rotten tree,
I look solid on the outside but inside I am festering,
Every piece of me I once knew,
Is being eaten away by the bitterness that is life.

Can no one save me from the maggots,
Carving their homes into that vessel that once held love?
That shell my heart,
Through people like her,
And her and him, and them
And cruel words and abandonment,
And tears, the fucking tears of pure weakness.

That shows my vulnerability already to the bastards,
Who I naively allowed into my innocent heart,
Slowly but surely turned me into a gnarled bitter tree,
Constructed by constant pain,
Constant numbness of love I must not deserve,
For who could ever love a beast.

For that's what I must be,
That must be why people leave me,
The constant lack of love I give, not being returned.

Because I don't deserve it...
Yeah that's it; I must be a horrible person,
I entice people with my Happy appearance,
So I don't have to be alone anymore.

But when they find out the real me,
I'm not enough,
They get bored,
They find someone better,
But why can't I be enough.
Oh yeah that's right,
I'm a bad person.


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